from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.
The following discussion may sound cold and mechanical, but it is the most important series of actions any family must take. You will be asking your family members to put in writing who gets what from their estate, as well as when a machine keeping them alive should be shut off--or not.
Get your family's papers in order (living will, healthcare surrogate, will, durable power of attorney, do not resuscitate, etc.), as well as written instructions about everyone's preferences for how they wish to be cared for (yes or no to a nursing home, feeding tube, etc.) and how they wish their remains to be treated (buried, cremated).
Unless YOU make these decisions, they may be made FOR you by a court, hospital, or other authority--against YOUR or your family member's wishes.
Rate your willingness to do this from 0 (not at all) to 10 (of course): 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
If you're not ALREADY a 10, what will it take for you to become one? _________________________________________________________________________________
Today, order When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_17?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name&sprefix=when+my+mother+no%2Caps%2C225
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Monday, April 30, 2012
#4 Caregiving TIP: Men are CAREGIVERS, too!
from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.
Caregiving isn't JUST for women. Most people are shocked to learn that about 34 percent of ALL caregivers in the U.S. are men. By one estimate that's 14.5 million men; by another, as high as 22 million.
Make sure that ALL the men in your family play a PROMINENT role in your family caregiving.
I especially want to give hope to mothers and fathers whose sons are their likeliest caregiver. A commonly accepted MISPERCEPTION in America today is that if you want to be cared for in your old age, you'd better have a daughter. Traditionally, a son is thought to be LOST to his own family, co-opted by his wife's Even my mother believed it; at least, as a child, I recall her saying, in addition to my brother and me, she would have liked to have had a least one daughter to remain close to her.
Happily, I proved my mother wrong. In 1998, just before her 80th birthday, I invited her to move in with me. And during the 10-plus years we lived together, she discovered I cared about and for her at least as well as any two daughters combined. My brother was always "there" for her, too.
Help & Hope for caregivers & potential caregivers: Read Stephen Goldstein's how-to/memoir. Today, order YOUR copy of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Caregiving isn't JUST for women. Most people are shocked to learn that about 34 percent of ALL caregivers in the U.S. are men. By one estimate that's 14.5 million men; by another, as high as 22 million.
Make sure that ALL the men in your family play a PROMINENT role in your family caregiving.
I especially want to give hope to mothers and fathers whose sons are their likeliest caregiver. A commonly accepted MISPERCEPTION in America today is that if you want to be cared for in your old age, you'd better have a daughter. Traditionally, a son is thought to be LOST to his own family, co-opted by his wife's Even my mother believed it; at least, as a child, I recall her saying, in addition to my brother and me, she would have liked to have had a least one daughter to remain close to her.
Happily, I proved my mother wrong. In 1998, just before her 80th birthday, I invited her to move in with me. And during the 10-plus years we lived together, she discovered I cared about and for her at least as well as any two daughters combined. My brother was always "there" for her, too.
Help & Hope for caregivers & potential caregivers: Read Stephen Goldstein's how-to/memoir. Today, order YOUR copy of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Friday, April 27, 2012
5-Star Review: When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name
ForeWord Clarion Review
NONFICTION: AGING
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A Son’s “Course” in “Rational” Caregiving
Stephen L. Goldstein
Grid Press
978-1-55571-701-8
Five Stars (out of Five)
Memoirists often offer the lessons of their lives for the benefit of others, but few combine
autobiography and advice as seamlessly as Stephen Goldstein in When My Mother No Longer
Knew My Name. Goldstein dedicated over ten years to caring for his mother at the end of her life.
His book describes a journey that required both careful planning and constant flexibility. Along
with detailing his own day-to-day experiences caring for his mother at home, Goldstein offers
ideas for others to consider when the time comes for them to take care of members of their own
families.
Working as a trends analyst, radio personality, and TV talk show host for years has made
Goldstein a master communicator. In his newspaper columns he lucidly observes the defects in
America’s health-care system and offers solutions at the political level. With this book, he
retains the same journalistic clarity but makes it personal by inviting readers into his home and
into the reality of caring for a parent with dementia.
Goldstein clearly knows the shortcomings of the nursing home system in the United
States and wanted no part of it for his intensely independent mother. His memoir could easily
have become a rant-filled manifesto on a pet topic, but Goldstein instead maintains a personal
tone as he offers details of life with his mother. In addition, each chapter is aptly headed with
quotations ranging from sources as varied as T.S. Eliot and Freddie Mercury. Always respectful,
Goldstein gently shows readers his mother’s decline from her delight in managing dinner parties
to her eventual resigned acceptance of eating pureed peas. Even as Alzheimer’s disease
progresses and she doesn’t seem to know him, Goldstein never loses sight of his mother as a
person, offering gestures as simple and profound as always setting a formal place for her at the
table.
Offset from the narrative, in script on a grey background, are pieces of advice for the
reader. These are not merely quotes from the book, but practical tips from Goldstein’s
experience, such as the recommendation to always call 9-1-1 immediately in an emergency
instead of trying to handle it alone. Rather than distracting from the main text, these direct-toreader
messages engage and entertain, keeping the reader involved in the issues under
discussion. Quizzes at the beginning and end of the book also encourage readers to take an active
role.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving is available on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Hellgatepress.com (the publisher's website) and through bookstores nationwide: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
NONFICTION: AGING
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A Son’s “Course” in “Rational” Caregiving
Stephen L. Goldstein
Grid Press
978-1-55571-701-8
Five Stars (out of Five)
Memoirists often offer the lessons of their lives for the benefit of others, but few combine
autobiography and advice as seamlessly as Stephen Goldstein in When My Mother No Longer
Knew My Name. Goldstein dedicated over ten years to caring for his mother at the end of her life.
His book describes a journey that required both careful planning and constant flexibility. Along
with detailing his own day-to-day experiences caring for his mother at home, Goldstein offers
ideas for others to consider when the time comes for them to take care of members of their own
families.
Working as a trends analyst, radio personality, and TV talk show host for years has made
Goldstein a master communicator. In his newspaper columns he lucidly observes the defects in
America’s health-care system and offers solutions at the political level. With this book, he
retains the same journalistic clarity but makes it personal by inviting readers into his home and
into the reality of caring for a parent with dementia.
Goldstein clearly knows the shortcomings of the nursing home system in the United
States and wanted no part of it for his intensely independent mother. His memoir could easily
have become a rant-filled manifesto on a pet topic, but Goldstein instead maintains a personal
tone as he offers details of life with his mother. In addition, each chapter is aptly headed with
quotations ranging from sources as varied as T.S. Eliot and Freddie Mercury. Always respectful,
Goldstein gently shows readers his mother’s decline from her delight in managing dinner parties
to her eventual resigned acceptance of eating pureed peas. Even as Alzheimer’s disease
progresses and she doesn’t seem to know him, Goldstein never loses sight of his mother as a
person, offering gestures as simple and profound as always setting a formal place for her at the
table.
Offset from the narrative, in script on a grey background, are pieces of advice for the
reader. These are not merely quotes from the book, but practical tips from Goldstein’s
experience, such as the recommendation to always call 9-1-1 immediately in an emergency
instead of trying to handle it alone. Rather than distracting from the main text, these direct-toreader
messages engage and entertain, keeping the reader involved in the issues under
discussion. Quizzes at the beginning and end of the book also encourage readers to take an active
role.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving is available on Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Hellgatepress.com (the publisher's website) and through bookstores nationwide: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Monday, April 23, 2012
Rational Caregiving Tip #3: Give Unconditional Love--and I mean UNCONDITIONAL
from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. In the book, there are more than 75 down-to-earth, practical tips for caregivers of individuals with dementia/Alzheimer's.
Successful caregiving begins and ends with unconditional love. And
unconditional love begins and ends with literally putting yourself
in someone else’s skin. And that isn’t just verbal mush: It’s the
result of the definitive life-lesson a gut-wrenching experience taught
me almost immediately after my mother moved in. And as awful
as it seemed at the time, it saved both of us years of anguish and
transformed our relationship into a workable one. Most important,
it made it possible for me to become her caregiver in later years,
without a moment’s resistance or regret. If it had never happened,
our lives together could easily have become intolerable.When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is available in bookstores nationwide and through online booksellers like Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and direct from the publisher, HellgatePress.com:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_19?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name&sprefix=when+my+mother+no+l%2Caps%2C178
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Rational Caregiving Tip #2: Follow a 3-step process to get psyched for family caregiving
from the nationwide bestseller, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Assuming you are willing to invite your family member(s) to move in with you, do so before they need care so you can all act assertively. Spare them the public humiliation of no longer being able to live on their own. If you don’t, all of you will likely become victims of circumstances.
As though you were signing an unbreakable contract, tell your family member or members exactly how you see your lives evolving together. I made the mistake of keeping my planning to myself. And I regret not having shared it, because it would have put to rest any doubts my mother might have had about her future.
Explain the extent and limits of your commitment to being a caregiver, if there are any. Come to a shared understanding of what the future may hold for all of you.
For example, agree to the conditions under which you would opt for a nursing home or other facility, or decide never to do so.
Most of all, let your family members know they are safe with you and you will always put their interests first — assuming they are and you will, of course. That overall assurance I did give my mother, over and over again. And I could see from the relief in her expression it meant everything to her. I just never discussed the details of sharing our lives and, if need be, caring for her.
Follow a three-step process to get psyched for caregiving : First, imagine. Second, test. Third, bite the bullet. It worked for me and my mother.
Caregiving boils down to unshakable commitment. Even the most impossible things you may have to put up with become bearable once you commit. When in doubt, don’t — until you’re absolutely sure of the choice(s) you’ve made.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Assuming you are willing to invite your family member(s) to move in with you, do so before they need care so you can all act assertively. Spare them the public humiliation of no longer being able to live on their own. If you don’t, all of you will likely become victims of circumstances.
As though you were signing an unbreakable contract, tell your family member or members exactly how you see your lives evolving together. I made the mistake of keeping my planning to myself. And I regret not having shared it, because it would have put to rest any doubts my mother might have had about her future.
Explain the extent and limits of your commitment to being a caregiver, if there are any. Come to a shared understanding of what the future may hold for all of you.
For example, agree to the conditions under which you would opt for a nursing home or other facility, or decide never to do so.
Most of all, let your family members know they are safe with you and you will always put their interests first — assuming they are and you will, of course. That overall assurance I did give my mother, over and over again. And I could see from the relief in her expression it meant everything to her. I just never discussed the details of sharing our lives and, if need be, caring for her.
Follow a three-step process to get psyched for caregiving : First, imagine. Second, test. Third, bite the bullet. It worked for me and my mother.
Caregiving boils down to unshakable commitment. Even the most impossible things you may have to put up with become bearable once you commit. When in doubt, don’t — until you’re absolutely sure of the choice(s) you’ve made.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Rational Caregiving Tip #1: In-home care insurance: Pros & Cons
from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_18?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name&sprefix=when+my+mother+no+%2Caps%2C257
The odds are unpaid family members will have to provide most
in-home care. But, because there may come a time when paid
professionals will need to assist them, it is never too early to weigh
the pros and cons of taking out long-term, in-home care insurance.
There’s a case to be made for getting it — or not. The care someone
needs may at first be minimal, lasting just a few hours, and the cost
may be manageable.
But the bill for 24/7 care can be astronomical.
When my mother needed round-the-clock care, we paid $400 per
day out-of-pocket, just for home-health aides. She had decided
against taking out an insurance policy. She only needed one-on-one,
professional assistance for a matter of weeks. But it still added up
quickly.
If she had paid thousands of dollars in insurance premiums
for years, it wouldn’t have been cost-effective for us.
In retrospect, we took a calculated risk and made the right choice. But we may
have been more lucky than wise. We could have faced a major
financial drain.
The lesson is to be prepared: Research your options
and plan ahead, especially for the unexpected, which can almost
be guaranteed to occur. And most important of all, know where the
money for long-term care is going to come from if it’s needed.
There are more than 75 tips in When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving, based upon a compelling narrative. Order your copy today from www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, or www.hellgatepress.com, the publisher.
by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_18?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name&sprefix=when+my+mother+no+%2Caps%2C257
The odds are unpaid family members will have to provide most
in-home care. But, because there may come a time when paid
professionals will need to assist them, it is never too early to weigh
the pros and cons of taking out long-term, in-home care insurance.
There’s a case to be made for getting it — or not. The care someone
needs may at first be minimal, lasting just a few hours, and the cost
may be manageable.
But the bill for 24/7 care can be astronomical.
When my mother needed round-the-clock care, we paid $400 per
day out-of-pocket, just for home-health aides. She had decided
against taking out an insurance policy. She only needed one-on-one,
professional assistance for a matter of weeks. But it still added up
quickly.
If she had paid thousands of dollars in insurance premiums
for years, it wouldn’t have been cost-effective for us.
In retrospect, we took a calculated risk and made the right choice. But we may
have been more lucky than wise. We could have faced a major
financial drain.
The lesson is to be prepared: Research your options
and plan ahead, especially for the unexpected, which can almost
be guaranteed to occur. And most important of all, know where the
money for long-term care is going to come from if it’s needed.
There are more than 75 tips in When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving, based upon a compelling narrative. Order your copy today from www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, or www.hellgatepress.com, the publisher.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Book signing/Reading in Fort Lauderdale, FL
RSVP: Come to my book signing/reading at Books & Books at the Museum of Art Fort Lauderdale on April 26.
I'll be talking about my latest, just-published book, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving.
6-6:30 p.m.: wine & hors d'oeuvres; 6:30-7, reading & talk; 7-7:30, book-signing. To reserve your place & pre-order the book so you'll be SURE to have one for me to autograph, call Books & Books: 954-262-0255. I look forward to seeing YOU!
I'll be talking about my latest, just-published book, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving.
6-6:30 p.m.: wine & hors d'oeuvres; 6:30-7, reading & talk; 7-7:30, book-signing. To reserve your place & pre-order the book so you'll be SURE to have one for me to autograph, call Books & Books: 954-262-0255. I look forward to seeing YOU!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D., is a seasoned professional, but nothing prepared him for being a caregiver to his beloved mother, especially when the heartache of dementia struck.
The experience moved him so deeply, he now shares his vast knowledge and keen insights in, ‘When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name’, a dynamic new book to help you and your family care for your loved ones.
Dr. Goldstein writes like a friend who’s been-there/done-that, guiding you through the complex caregiving maze—supplying solutions and hope in each gritty, inspiring and often humorous chapter.
Packed with down-to-earth practical advice and creative tips to make your journey easier, ‘When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name’, is available everywhere and a must-read for caregivers. Order it today!
The experience moved him so deeply, he now shares his vast knowledge and keen insights in, ‘When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name’, a dynamic new book to help you and your family care for your loved ones.
Dr. Goldstein writes like a friend who’s been-there/done-that, guiding you through the complex caregiving maze—supplying solutions and hope in each gritty, inspiring and often humorous chapter.
Packed with down-to-earth practical advice and creative tips to make your journey easier, ‘When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name’, is available everywhere and a must-read for caregivers. Order it today!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Determining your "Caregiving Readiness": PRE-ASSESSMENT
from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. Below is No. 1 of 10 items on the Pres-Assessment.
Email Stephen Goldstein at trendsman@aol.com your comments and/or questions AFTER you benchmark your "readiness." He'll answer you personally!
Sooner or later, directly or indirectly, every American will be
involved in caregiving. It’s never too soon, or too late, to test yourself
to see how well prepared you are for what may turn out to be the
most challenging role of your life, but which you probably never
thought you’d have to play.
Caregivers need all the help they can get facing a reality they could
never have imagined for their own good and their family member’s wellbeing.
Without a doubt, being able personally to nurture parents in their
declining years is a joy. But it comes at a high price: throwing out all
inhibitions, prejudices, perceived limitations, expectations — and facing
having to do things you never thought you’d have to deal with.
Honest parental caregivers know you’ve gotta do what you’ve
gotta do, no matter what.
There is no single caregiving script to follow. No single book can
tell you everything you need to know, nor will there ever be one. Every
parent-patient is different. Too many authors and professionals sugarcoat
the challenges of being a parental caregiver or deal with them unrealistically.
Ultimately, you will be the best judge of your fitness for assuming
a role which is sure to change your life — way more even than being a
parent. You need to begin by starkly facing reality — by looking yourself
in the mirror and assessing yourself for the job.
Determining your “Caregiving Readiness” will help you benchmark
where you see yourself in terms of the attitudes and responsibilities
all caregivers need to have. There are no right or wrong answers, of
course. Be totally frank and honest. You’re only kidding yourself if you
aren’t and harming your chances of being the best caregiver you can be.
Who knows? You may discover you already are, or are potentially, the
consummate caregiver — or you are perfectly willing to put in the effort
to become one.
Determining your “Caregiving Readiness”:
Pre-Assessment
Scoring Your “Caregiving Readiness”
On a scale from 0 (not at all) to 10 (absolutely), circle
your score in response to the following statement:
1. I have thought through all the pros and cons of assuming
the responsibility for caregiving 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Before you score yourself, divide a sheet of paper into two
vertical columns. Mark one Pros and under it list everything
you can think of that would make you want to take
responsibility for caregiving.
Under Cons, list everything you can imagine that would make you not want to become
a caregiver. For example, in what column(s) would you
put how you feel about the people for whom you might be
caring? If you hate your mother, you’d be in for a bumpy
ride unless you can harness your negatives. You need to
be very clear about how you score this benchmark.
Unless your family member is clearly fading fast, your caregiving
may extend into months or years. Are you willing to take
one day at a time for however long it may be? If you don’t
give yourself a 10 here, you may be taking on a commitment
which will potentially ruin your life and shortchange
your family member.
What would you be willing to do to improve your score?
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
To complete the remaining 9 crucial benchmarks in your "Caregiving Readiness": PRE-ASSESSMENT,,order your copy of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Email Stephen Goldstein at trendsman@aol.com your comments and/or questions AFTER you benchmark your "readiness." He'll answer you personally!
Sooner or later, directly or indirectly, every American will be
involved in caregiving. It’s never too soon, or too late, to test yourself
to see how well prepared you are for what may turn out to be the
most challenging role of your life, but which you probably never
thought you’d have to play.
Caregivers need all the help they can get facing a reality they could
never have imagined for their own good and their family member’s wellbeing.
Without a doubt, being able personally to nurture parents in their
declining years is a joy. But it comes at a high price: throwing out all
inhibitions, prejudices, perceived limitations, expectations — and facing
having to do things you never thought you’d have to deal with.
Honest parental caregivers know you’ve gotta do what you’ve
gotta do, no matter what.
There is no single caregiving script to follow. No single book can
tell you everything you need to know, nor will there ever be one. Every
parent-patient is different. Too many authors and professionals sugarcoat
the challenges of being a parental caregiver or deal with them unrealistically.
Ultimately, you will be the best judge of your fitness for assuming
a role which is sure to change your life — way more even than being a
parent. You need to begin by starkly facing reality — by looking yourself
in the mirror and assessing yourself for the job.
Determining your “Caregiving Readiness” will help you benchmark
where you see yourself in terms of the attitudes and responsibilities
all caregivers need to have. There are no right or wrong answers, of
course. Be totally frank and honest. You’re only kidding yourself if you
aren’t and harming your chances of being the best caregiver you can be.
Who knows? You may discover you already are, or are potentially, the
consummate caregiver — or you are perfectly willing to put in the effort
to become one.
Determining your “Caregiving Readiness”:
Pre-Assessment
Scoring Your “Caregiving Readiness”
On a scale from 0 (not at all) to 10 (absolutely), circle
your score in response to the following statement:
1. I have thought through all the pros and cons of assuming
the responsibility for caregiving 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Before you score yourself, divide a sheet of paper into two
vertical columns. Mark one Pros and under it list everything
you can think of that would make you want to take
responsibility for caregiving.
Under Cons, list everything you can imagine that would make you not want to become
a caregiver. For example, in what column(s) would you
put how you feel about the people for whom you might be
caring? If you hate your mother, you’d be in for a bumpy
ride unless you can harness your negatives. You need to
be very clear about how you score this benchmark.
Unless your family member is clearly fading fast, your caregiving
may extend into months or years. Are you willing to take
one day at a time for however long it may be? If you don’t
give yourself a 10 here, you may be taking on a commitment
which will potentially ruin your life and shortchange
your family member.
What would you be willing to do to improve your score?
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
To complete the remaining 9 crucial benchmarks in your "Caregiving Readiness": PRE-ASSESSMENT,,order your copy of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Saturday, March 3, 2012
"The Joy of Caregiving"
by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.
from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Strange as it may sound, I also want to make America a nation of joyful caregivers. But how can I possibly write JOY and CAREGIVING in the same phrase? How can I suggest there could be anything upbeat about caring for a parent who no longer knew my name? I experienced it.
It took me four-and-a-half years and the sadness of living with my mother who had dementia to discover the "joy" of "caregiving," and it took me more than two years to write a book to relive it, tell my story, and share practical tips to show others how they too can become joyful in the most unlikely of circumstances. It isn't the sudden joy of seeing a newborn baby or graduating from college or of taking an exotic trip or winning the lottery or of any of the experiences people typically think lift their spirits. However powerful it may be, that kind of upbeat feeling attached to a given experience fades. The joy from caregiving is more like bliss--a stereophonic, profound and lasting feeling, a unique emotion that comes from giving your all for someone else while expecting absolutely nothing in return.
Overwhelming positives outweigh any and all the negatives of caring for someone whose life is slipping away. For me, nothing is more gratifying than knowing I gave my mother the best care she could possibly have gotten in the last years of her life--absolutely nothing! I cannot imagine not have done this for her. You don't know what love is until you've changed your mother's or father's diaper, survived the shock when they no longer know your name, or have spent time holding the hand of, and talking to, someone with dementia, whether they appear to understand what you're saying or not. In the end, one of the reards of caring for someone else is discovering a part of yourself you might never have known.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving is available from amazon.com in hard copy and Kindle editions. Order yours today: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Strange as it may sound, I also want to make America a nation of joyful caregivers. But how can I possibly write JOY and CAREGIVING in the same phrase? How can I suggest there could be anything upbeat about caring for a parent who no longer knew my name? I experienced it.
It took me four-and-a-half years and the sadness of living with my mother who had dementia to discover the "joy" of "caregiving," and it took me more than two years to write a book to relive it, tell my story, and share practical tips to show others how they too can become joyful in the most unlikely of circumstances. It isn't the sudden joy of seeing a newborn baby or graduating from college or of taking an exotic trip or winning the lottery or of any of the experiences people typically think lift their spirits. However powerful it may be, that kind of upbeat feeling attached to a given experience fades. The joy from caregiving is more like bliss--a stereophonic, profound and lasting feeling, a unique emotion that comes from giving your all for someone else while expecting absolutely nothing in return.
Overwhelming positives outweigh any and all the negatives of caring for someone whose life is slipping away. For me, nothing is more gratifying than knowing I gave my mother the best care she could possibly have gotten in the last years of her life--absolutely nothing! I cannot imagine not have done this for her. You don't know what love is until you've changed your mother's or father's diaper, survived the shock when they no longer know your name, or have spent time holding the hand of, and talking to, someone with dementia, whether they appear to understand what you're saying or not. In the end, one of the reards of caring for someone else is discovering a part of yourself you might never have known.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving is available from amazon.com in hard copy and Kindle editions. Order yours today: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
954-772-7868
trendsman@aol.com
New book now available nationwide:
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name:
A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving
(Fort Lauderdale, FL, Feb. 7, 2012)—“All families must accept responsibility for caring for their aging and aged relatives at home, instead of warehousing them in nursing homes and other facilities,” says trends analyst and forecaster, and family caregiver, Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. (trendsman@aol.com, www.rationalcaregiving.blogspot.com).
Goldstein’s memoir/how-to, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving, should be the first book families read to prepare for caring for aging relatives. It’s the caregiver’s “one-minute manager.” Each brief, compelling, highly readable chapter turns what a son learned on-the-job into immediate help for others. Step-by-step, Goldstein traces how his caregiving role evolved from nominal to 24/7.
“To begin with, I had to convince my mother to move in with me, which required delicate diplomacy,” he remembers. “Eventually, I had to learn how to deal with the various phases of her dementia—getting used to finding a sandwich in the clothes dryer, changing her diaper (on rare occasions, thank God!), keeping her from choking to death, and finally caring for myself after she died.
“I wrote the book I would have wanted to read before and while I was my mother’s caregiver—but which I never found!” Goldstein says. “No theory here! It’s all useful information. Strategically placed throughout the book are 75 practical tips to turn my experience into advice others can use. My narratives make caregiving real. My tips make it manageable—even joyful.” The book includes a “Cargiving Readiness Self-Assessment” so current and potential caregivers can benchmark and enhance their ability to manage the often lonely, challenging, unpredictable, and overwhelming roles they may assume.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is a one-man support group, written like a friend who’s “been-there-done-that,” talking anecdotally, but authoritatively, to a friend who needs help. It is raw and gritty, as well as funny and inspiring. It makes people weep, but also gives them hope that they can overcome a mountain of seemingly insurmountable challenges, for which they likely feel devastatingly unprepared.
Order When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name at www.amazon.com (hard copy & Kindle), at www.barnesandnoble.com (hard copy & Nook Book), www.hellgatepress.com, and bookstores nationwide. It is published by Grid Press, an imprint of L&R Publishing, Ashland, Oregon, www.hellgatepress.com.#
954-772-7868
trendsman@aol.com
New book now available nationwide:
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name:
A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving
(Fort Lauderdale, FL, Feb. 7, 2012)—“All families must accept responsibility for caring for their aging and aged relatives at home, instead of warehousing them in nursing homes and other facilities,” says trends analyst and forecaster, and family caregiver, Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. (trendsman@aol.com, www.rationalcaregiving.blogspot.com).
Goldstein’s memoir/how-to, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving, should be the first book families read to prepare for caring for aging relatives. It’s the caregiver’s “one-minute manager.” Each brief, compelling, highly readable chapter turns what a son learned on-the-job into immediate help for others. Step-by-step, Goldstein traces how his caregiving role evolved from nominal to 24/7.
“To begin with, I had to convince my mother to move in with me, which required delicate diplomacy,” he remembers. “Eventually, I had to learn how to deal with the various phases of her dementia—getting used to finding a sandwich in the clothes dryer, changing her diaper (on rare occasions, thank God!), keeping her from choking to death, and finally caring for myself after she died.
“I wrote the book I would have wanted to read before and while I was my mother’s caregiver—but which I never found!” Goldstein says. “No theory here! It’s all useful information. Strategically placed throughout the book are 75 practical tips to turn my experience into advice others can use. My narratives make caregiving real. My tips make it manageable—even joyful.” The book includes a “Cargiving Readiness Self-Assessment” so current and potential caregivers can benchmark and enhance their ability to manage the often lonely, challenging, unpredictable, and overwhelming roles they may assume.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is a one-man support group, written like a friend who’s “been-there-done-that,” talking anecdotally, but authoritatively, to a friend who needs help. It is raw and gritty, as well as funny and inspiring. It makes people weep, but also gives them hope that they can overcome a mountain of seemingly insurmountable challenges, for which they likely feel devastatingly unprepared.
Order When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name at www.amazon.com (hard copy & Kindle), at www.barnesandnoble.com (hard copy & Nook Book), www.hellgatepress.com, and bookstores nationwide. It is published by Grid Press, an imprint of L&R Publishing, Ashland, Oregon, www.hellgatepress.com.#
Friday, February 24, 2012
CareLinx: Working to find compatible care at a lower cost
There isn’t much debate over the difficulty in finding and managing quality home-care for a loved one; the process can be time-consuming, expensive, and daunting for some. President and CEO of CareLinx, Sherwin Sheik understands first-hand from experiences with his own family the challenge of finding the right caregivers. Because of this challenge, Sheik worked to start CareLinx, a new online service that empowers users to seek personalized connections with compatible caregivers.
CareLinx aims to empower individuals by giving them the ability to directly search and connect with caregivers that match their specific needs on multiple dimensions of compatibility. “By matching algorithms, similar to search engines like Yelp.com or an online compatibility service such as Match.com, the probability increases that clients will foster a more successful, productive and caring relationship,” says Sheik.
CareLinx is able to reduce the cost of care by giving everyone the tools they need to directly connect with caregivers and manage all their home care services online, thereby eliminating a lot of the administrative costs that large agencies charge.
CareLinx also helps to make the process safe too; caregiver profiles include professional credentials, applicable health care licensure, performance reviews from prior employers and the option to complete background checks online. A caregiver registered on the CareLinx website must be willing to undergo an extensive background check, which covers criminal court records, ID verification, credentials and references, and education. Once a caregiver passes the background check, a “Verified” icon appears on their profile, which is visible to families searching for match.
For more information on CareLinx or to join for free today, visit www.carelinx.com.
CareLinx aims to empower individuals by giving them the ability to directly search and connect with caregivers that match their specific needs on multiple dimensions of compatibility. “By matching algorithms, similar to search engines like Yelp.com or an online compatibility service such as Match.com, the probability increases that clients will foster a more successful, productive and caring relationship,” says Sheik.
CareLinx is able to reduce the cost of care by giving everyone the tools they need to directly connect with caregivers and manage all their home care services online, thereby eliminating a lot of the administrative costs that large agencies charge.
CareLinx also helps to make the process safe too; caregiver profiles include professional credentials, applicable health care licensure, performance reviews from prior employers and the option to complete background checks online. A caregiver registered on the CareLinx website must be willing to undergo an extensive background check, which covers criminal court records, ID verification, credentials and references, and education. Once a caregiver passes the background check, a “Verified” icon appears on their profile, which is visible to families searching for match.
For more information on CareLinx or to join for free today, visit www.carelinx.com.
Friday, January 27, 2012
"Stop warehousing old people in nursing homes!" insists author of new book
(Fort Lauderdale, FL)—“It's a national disgrace that so many families dump their elderly parents in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Sons and daughters should invite their aging and aged mothers and dads to live them with them," says trends analyst and forecaster, and family caregiver, Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. (trendsman@aol.com, http://www.rationalcaregiving.blogspot.com/).
Goldstein’s just published memoir/how-to When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving, screams "Yes you can!" It's the first book families need to prepare for caring for again relatives, the caregiver’s "one-minute manager." Each brief, compelling, highly readable chapter turns what a son learned on-the-job into immediate help for others.
Step-by-step, Goldstein traces how his caregiving role evolved from nominal to 24/7. “I would never let my mother live in a nursing home," he says adamantly. So I had diplomatically to convince her to move in with me. Eventually, I had to learn to deal with various aspects of her dementia—getting used to finding a sandwich in the clothes dryer, changing her diaper (on rare occasions, thank God!), keeping her from choking to death--then, caring for myself after she died.
“I wrote the book I would have wanted to read before and while I was my mother’s caregiver—but which I never found!” Goldstein says. “There’s no theory here! It’s all useful information. Strategically placed throughout the book are 75 practical tips to turn my experience into advice others can use. My narratives make caregiving real. My tips make it manageable—even joyful.”
The book includes a “Caregiving Readiness Self-Assessment” so current and potential caregivers can benchmark and increase their ability to manage the often lonely, challenging, unpredictable, and overwhelming roles they may assume.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is a one-man support group, written like a friend who’s “been-there-done-that,” talking anecdotally, but authoritatively, to a friend who needs help. It is raw and gritty, as well as funny and inspiring. It makes people weep, but also gives them hope that they can overcome a mountain of seemingly insurmountable challenges, for which they likely feel devastatingly unprepared.
The book and Kindle edition of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name are available at http://www.amazon.com/, as well as at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/, http://www.hellgatepress.com/, other online booksellers and at bookstores nationwide. It is published by Grid Press, an imprint of L&R Publishing, Ashland, Oregon, http://www.hellgatepress.com/.#
Goldstein’s just published memoir/how-to When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving, screams "Yes you can!" It's the first book families need to prepare for caring for again relatives, the caregiver’s "one-minute manager." Each brief, compelling, highly readable chapter turns what a son learned on-the-job into immediate help for others.
Step-by-step, Goldstein traces how his caregiving role evolved from nominal to 24/7. “I would never let my mother live in a nursing home," he says adamantly. So I had diplomatically to convince her to move in with me. Eventually, I had to learn to deal with various aspects of her dementia—getting used to finding a sandwich in the clothes dryer, changing her diaper (on rare occasions, thank God!), keeping her from choking to death--then, caring for myself after she died.
“I wrote the book I would have wanted to read before and while I was my mother’s caregiver—but which I never found!” Goldstein says. “There’s no theory here! It’s all useful information. Strategically placed throughout the book are 75 practical tips to turn my experience into advice others can use. My narratives make caregiving real. My tips make it manageable—even joyful.”
The book includes a “Caregiving Readiness Self-Assessment” so current and potential caregivers can benchmark and increase their ability to manage the often lonely, challenging, unpredictable, and overwhelming roles they may assume.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is a one-man support group, written like a friend who’s “been-there-done-that,” talking anecdotally, but authoritatively, to a friend who needs help. It is raw and gritty, as well as funny and inspiring. It makes people weep, but also gives them hope that they can overcome a mountain of seemingly insurmountable challenges, for which they likely feel devastatingly unprepared.
The book and Kindle edition of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name are available at http://www.amazon.com/, as well as at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/, http://www.hellgatepress.com/, other online booksellers and at bookstores nationwide. It is published by Grid Press, an imprint of L&R Publishing, Ashland, Oregon, http://www.hellgatepress.com/.#
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Family Caregivers: Create your family caregiving plan--now!
by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D., trendsman@aol.com (Email him your questions and comments--and he'll personally answer you!)
author of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
It’s a miracle we don’t have a Terri Schiavo case every day—family members battling over whether to keep clinically dead loved ones artificially alive because they didn’t put their wishes in writing. (Perhaps we do, but they just don’t make headlines.)
Plan ahead
Pitifully few adults in the overall U.S. population—between 5 percent and 15 percent--have completed advance directives detailing their health care preferences if they can’t make decisions for themselves. Few seniors even discuss end-of-life issues with their children. And yet, an estimated more than one in four elderly Americans will need someone to carry out their wishes.
Because families may need to deal with everything from caregiving options to healthcare and end-of-life scenarios, they should develop a written plan to avoid crises limiting their ability to make decisions when they need maximum certainty and flexibility. Failing to plan ahead makes you a victim of circumstances and may leave you with agonizing guilt about whether you did everything you could or should have to provide proper care.
Make out living wills
It goes without saying every adult in your family should sign a will, living will, healthcare surrogate, durable power of attorney, and any other appropriate documents. In addition, everyone who may be involved in making decisions should have up-to-date copies or know where the originals are kept. If you can’t supply papers during a medical emergency, strangers may have no other choice than to make decisions for you, perhaps against your or your family member’s desires.
Make your choices--or others will make them for you
Your family plan should be a carefully thought-out strategy and be kept current, well ahead of your ever needing it. It should also include a list of things to do to handle any emergency, with phone numbers of everyone who needs to be contacted. Early decisions during an emergency may have a direct bearing on someone’s eventual caregiving needs or end-of-life choices.
For example, if someone is put on life support who would never have wanted it, only because written instructions were not given to medical personnel, a family may have to endure the emotional agony and legal hassles of having to request he be taken off it. Or if someone else was resuscitated but not put on life support, her family may face years of caregiving costs to keep someone alive who is unconscious or seriously handicapped and who expressly said she never wanted to be in such a state.
Weigh in-home v. nursing home care
Because a medical emergency can lead to an eventual need for caregiving, your plan should include options and preferences for providing it at home or in a nursing home or other facility. If you’d rather keep a family member at home, consider the space you have or which you would have to modify or build to accommodate someone’s needs, the cost of retrofitting your existing living space by widening doors to accommodate wheelchairs and assistive devices, as well as simple things you’d need to install like safety bars in showers and tubs.
Create your family support system
It is also crucial for everyone in a family to decide who will be responsible for “care and feeding” when a family member needs it. To facilitate decision-making in larger families, one person needs to be designated in charge. But having a single point-person shouldn’t relieve all siblings, for example, of some measure of involvement in a parent’s caregiving, simply clarify lines of authority. Planning ahead will enable you to provide better care and allow you to feel and be in control when you are most likely to be overwhelmed and at the effect of events.
If you believe in an afterlife, when you and your family members reunite, they may give you an earful for having made their choices for you difficult because you didn’t even sign a living will. So, do everyone a favor and put your house in order; otherwise, even if you wind up in heaven, eternity could feel like a living hell. If you don’t believe in an afterlife, just be a mensch and write a plan.#
author of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
It’s a miracle we don’t have a Terri Schiavo case every day—family members battling over whether to keep clinically dead loved ones artificially alive because they didn’t put their wishes in writing. (Perhaps we do, but they just don’t make headlines.)
Plan ahead
Pitifully few adults in the overall U.S. population—between 5 percent and 15 percent--have completed advance directives detailing their health care preferences if they can’t make decisions for themselves. Few seniors even discuss end-of-life issues with their children. And yet, an estimated more than one in four elderly Americans will need someone to carry out their wishes.
Because families may need to deal with everything from caregiving options to healthcare and end-of-life scenarios, they should develop a written plan to avoid crises limiting their ability to make decisions when they need maximum certainty and flexibility. Failing to plan ahead makes you a victim of circumstances and may leave you with agonizing guilt about whether you did everything you could or should have to provide proper care.
Make out living wills
It goes without saying every adult in your family should sign a will, living will, healthcare surrogate, durable power of attorney, and any other appropriate documents. In addition, everyone who may be involved in making decisions should have up-to-date copies or know where the originals are kept. If you can’t supply papers during a medical emergency, strangers may have no other choice than to make decisions for you, perhaps against your or your family member’s desires.
Make your choices--or others will make them for you
Your family plan should be a carefully thought-out strategy and be kept current, well ahead of your ever needing it. It should also include a list of things to do to handle any emergency, with phone numbers of everyone who needs to be contacted. Early decisions during an emergency may have a direct bearing on someone’s eventual caregiving needs or end-of-life choices.
For example, if someone is put on life support who would never have wanted it, only because written instructions were not given to medical personnel, a family may have to endure the emotional agony and legal hassles of having to request he be taken off it. Or if someone else was resuscitated but not put on life support, her family may face years of caregiving costs to keep someone alive who is unconscious or seriously handicapped and who expressly said she never wanted to be in such a state.
Weigh in-home v. nursing home care
Because a medical emergency can lead to an eventual need for caregiving, your plan should include options and preferences for providing it at home or in a nursing home or other facility. If you’d rather keep a family member at home, consider the space you have or which you would have to modify or build to accommodate someone’s needs, the cost of retrofitting your existing living space by widening doors to accommodate wheelchairs and assistive devices, as well as simple things you’d need to install like safety bars in showers and tubs.
Create your family support system
It is also crucial for everyone in a family to decide who will be responsible for “care and feeding” when a family member needs it. To facilitate decision-making in larger families, one person needs to be designated in charge. But having a single point-person shouldn’t relieve all siblings, for example, of some measure of involvement in a parent’s caregiving, simply clarify lines of authority. Planning ahead will enable you to provide better care and allow you to feel and be in control when you are most likely to be overwhelmed and at the effect of events.
If you believe in an afterlife, when you and your family members reunite, they may give you an earful for having made their choices for you difficult because you didn’t even sign a living will. So, do everyone a favor and put your house in order; otherwise, even if you wind up in heaven, eternity could feel like a living hell. If you don’t believe in an afterlife, just be a mensch and write a plan.#
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