by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.
from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Strange as it may sound, I also want to make America a nation of joyful caregivers. But how can I possibly write JOY and CAREGIVING in the same phrase? How can I suggest there could be anything upbeat about caring for a parent who no longer knew my name? I experienced it.
It took me four-and-a-half years and the sadness of living with my mother who had dementia to discover the "joy" of "caregiving," and it took me more than two years to write a book to relive it, tell my story, and share practical tips to show others how they too can become joyful in the most unlikely of circumstances. It isn't the sudden joy of seeing a newborn baby or graduating from college or of taking an exotic trip or winning the lottery or of any of the experiences people typically think lift their spirits. However powerful it may be, that kind of upbeat feeling attached to a given experience fades. The joy from caregiving is more like bliss--a stereophonic, profound and lasting feeling, a unique emotion that comes from giving your all for someone else while expecting absolutely nothing in return.
Overwhelming positives outweigh any and all the negatives of caring for someone whose life is slipping away. For me, nothing is more gratifying than knowing I gave my mother the best care she could possibly have gotten in the last years of her life--absolutely nothing! I cannot imagine not have done this for her. You don't know what love is until you've changed your mother's or father's diaper, survived the shock when they no longer know your name, or have spent time holding the hand of, and talking to, someone with dementia, whether they appear to understand what you're saying or not. In the end, one of the reards of caring for someone else is discovering a part of yourself you might never have known.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving is available from amazon.com in hard copy and Kindle editions. Order yours today: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
I look forward to reading your book. You seem like a very special son.
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