Rational Caregiving Tip #3: Give Unconditional Love--and I mean UNCONDITIONAL

from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving

by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.  In the book, there are more than 75 down-to-earth, practical tips for caregivers of individuals with dementia/Alzheimer's.

Successful caregiving begins and ends with unconditional love. And

unconditional love begins and ends with literally putting yourself

in someone else’s skin. And that isn’t just verbal mush: It’s the

result of the definitive life-lesson a gut-wrenching experience taught

me almost immediately after my mother moved in. And as awful

as it seemed at the time, it saved both of us years of anguish and

transformed our relationship into a workable one. Most important,

it made it possible for me to become her caregiver in later years,

without a moment’s resistance or regret. If it had never happened,

our lives together could easily have become intolerable.

When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is available in bookstores nationwide and through online booksellers like Amazon, BarnesandNoble.com, and direct from the publisher, HellgatePress.com:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_19?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name&sprefix=when+my+mother+no+l%2Caps%2C178

Rational Caregiving Tip #2: Follow a 3-step process to get psyched for family caregiving

from the nationwide bestseller, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name

Assuming you are willing to invite your family member(s) to move in with you, do so before they need care so you can all act assertively. Spare them the public humiliation of no longer being able to live on their own. If you don’t, all of you will likely become victims of circumstances.

As though you were signing an unbreakable contract, tell your family member or members exactly how you see your lives evolving together. I made the mistake of keeping my planning to myself. And I regret not having shared it, because it would have put to rest any doubts my mother might have had about her future.

Explain the extent and limits of your commitment to being a caregiver, if there are any. Come to a shared understanding of what the future may hold for all of you.

For example, agree to the conditions under which you would opt for a nursing home or other facility, or decide never to do so.

Most of all, let your family members know they are safe with you and you will always put their interests first — assuming they are and you will, of course. That overall assurance I did give my mother, over and over again. And I could see from the relief in her expression it meant everything to her. I just never discussed the details of sharing our lives and, if need be, caring for her.

Follow a three-step process to get psyched for caregiving : First, imagine. Second, test. Third, bite the bullet. It worked for me and my mother.

Caregiving boils down to unshakable commitment. Even the most impossible things you may have to put up with become bearable once you commit. When in doubt, don’t — until you’re absolutely sure of the choice(s) you’ve made.

Rational Caregiving Tip #1: In-home care insurance: Pros & Cons

from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_18?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name&sprefix=when+my+mother+no+%2Caps%2C257

The odds are unpaid family members will have to provide most
in-home care. But, because there may come a time when paid
professionals will need to assist them, it is never too early to weigh
the pros and cons of taking out long-term, in-home care insurance.

There’s a case to be made for getting it — or not. The care someone
needs may at first be minimal, lasting just a few hours, and the cost
may be manageable.

But the bill for 24/7 care can be astronomical.
When my mother needed round-the-clock care, we paid $400 per
day out-of-pocket, just for home-health aides. She had decided
against taking out an insurance policy. She only needed one-on-one,
professional assistance for a matter of weeks. But it still added up
quickly.

If she had paid thousands of dollars in insurance premiums
for years, it wouldn’t have been cost-effective for us.

In retrospect, we took a calculated risk and made the right choice. But we may
have been more lucky than wise. We could have faced a major
financial drain.

The lesson is to be prepared: Research your options
and plan ahead, especially for the unexpected, which can almost
be guaranteed to occur. And most important of all, know where the
money for long-term care is going to come from if it’s needed.

There are more than 75 tips in When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving, based upon a compelling narrative. Order your copy today from www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com, or www.hellgatepress.com, the publisher.

Book signing/Reading in Fort Lauderdale, FL

RSVP: Come to my book signing/reading at Books & Books at the Museum of Art Fort Lauderdale on April 26.

I'll be talking about my latest, just-published book, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving.

6-6:30 p.m.: wine & hors d'oeuvres; 6:30-7, reading & talk; 7-7:30, book-signing. To reserve your place & pre-order the book so you'll be SURE to have one for me to autograph, call Books & Books: 954-262-0255. I look forward to seeing YOU!

Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D., is a seasoned professional, but nothing prepared him for being a caregiver to his beloved mother, especially when the heartache of dementia struck.

The experience moved him so deeply, he now shares his vast knowledge and keen insights in, ‘When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name’, a dynamic new book to help you and your family care for your loved ones.

Dr. Goldstein writes like a friend who’s been-there/done-that, guiding you through the complex caregiving maze—supplying solutions and hope in each gritty, inspiring and often humorous chapter.

Packed with down-to-earth practical advice and creative tips to make your journey easier, ‘When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name’, is available everywhere and a must-read for caregivers. Order it today!

Determining your "Caregiving Readiness": PRE-ASSESSMENT

from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. Below is No. 1 of 10 items on the Pres-Assessment.

Email Stephen Goldstein at trendsman@aol.com your comments and/or questions AFTER you benchmark your "readiness." He'll answer you personally!

Sooner or later, directly or indirectly, every American will be
involved in caregiving. It’s never too soon, or too late, to test yourself
to see how well prepared you are for what may turn out to be the
most challenging role of your life, but which you probably never
thought you’d have to play.

Caregivers need all the help they can get facing a reality they could
never have imagined for their own good and their family member’s wellbeing.
Without a doubt, being able personally to nurture parents in their
declining years is a joy. But it comes at a high price: throwing out all
inhibitions, prejudices, perceived limitations, expectations — and facing
having to do things you never thought you’d have to deal with.
Honest parental caregivers know you’ve gotta do what you’ve
gotta do, no matter what.

There is no single caregiving script to follow. No single book can
tell you everything you need to know, nor will there ever be one. Every
parent-patient is different. Too many authors and professionals sugarcoat
the challenges of being a parental caregiver or deal with them unrealistically.
Ultimately, you will be the best judge of your fitness for assuming
a role which is sure to change your life — way more even than being a
parent. You need to begin by starkly facing reality — by looking yourself
in the mirror and assessing yourself for the job.

Determining your “Caregiving Readiness” will help you benchmark
where you see yourself in terms of the attitudes and responsibilities
all caregivers need to have. There are no right or wrong answers, of
course. Be totally frank and honest. You’re only kidding yourself if you
aren’t and harming your chances of being the best caregiver you can be.
Who knows? You may discover you already are, or are potentially, the
consummate caregiver — or you are perfectly willing to put in the effort
to become one.

Determining your “Caregiving Readiness”:
Pre-Assessment
Scoring Your “Caregiving Readiness”
On a scale from 0 (not at all) to 10 (absolutely), circle
your score in response to the following statement:


1. I have thought through all the pros and cons of assuming
the responsibility for caregiving 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Before you score yourself, divide a sheet of paper into two
vertical columns. Mark one Pros and under it list everything
you can think of that would make you want to take
responsibility for caregiving.


Under Cons, list everything you can imagine that would make you not want to become
a caregiver. For example, in what column(s) would you
put how you feel about the people for whom you might be
caring? If you hate your mother, you’d be in for a bumpy
ride unless you can harness your negatives. You need to
be very clear about how you score this benchmark.


Unless your family member is clearly fading fast, your caregiving
may extend into months or years. Are you willing to take
one day at a time for however long it may be? If you don’t
give yourself a 10 here, you may be taking on a commitment
which will potentially ruin your life and shortchange
your family member.

What would you be willing to do to improve your score?
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________

To complete the remaining 9 crucial benchmarks in your "Caregiving Readiness": PRE-ASSESSMENT,,order your copy of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name

"The Joy of Caregiving"

by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.

from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name

Strange as it may sound, I also want to make America a nation of joyful caregivers. But how can I possibly write JOY and CAREGIVING in the same phrase? How can I suggest there could be anything upbeat about caring for a parent who no longer knew my name? I experienced it.

It took me four-and-a-half years and the sadness of living with my mother who had dementia to discover the "joy" of "caregiving," and it took me more than two years to write a book to relive it, tell my story, and share practical tips to show others how they too can become joyful in the most unlikely of circumstances. It isn't the sudden joy of seeing a newborn baby or graduating from college or of taking an exotic trip or winning the lottery or of any of the experiences people typically think lift their spirits. However powerful it may be, that kind of upbeat feeling attached to a given experience fades. The joy from caregiving is more like bliss--a stereophonic, profound and lasting feeling, a unique emotion that comes from giving your all for someone else while expecting absolutely nothing in return.

Overwhelming positives outweigh any and all the negatives of caring for someone whose life is slipping away. For me, nothing is more gratifying than knowing I gave my mother the best care she could possibly have gotten in the last years of her life--absolutely nothing! I cannot imagine not have done this for her. You don't know what love is until you've changed your mother's or father's diaper, survived the shock when they no longer know your name, or have spent time holding the hand of, and talking to, someone with dementia, whether they appear to understand what you're saying or not. In the end, one of the reards of caring for someone else is discovering a part of yourself you might never have known.

When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving is available from amazon.com in hard copy and Kindle editions. Order yours today: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name