from the nationwide bestseller, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Assuming you are willing to invite your family member(s) to move in with you, do so before they need care so you can all act assertively. Spare them the public humiliation of no longer being able to live on their own. If you don’t, all of you will likely become victims of circumstances.
As though you were signing an unbreakable contract, tell your family member or members exactly how you see your lives evolving together. I made the mistake of keeping my planning to myself. And I regret not having shared it, because it would have put to rest any doubts my mother might have had about her future.
Explain the extent and limits of your commitment to being a caregiver, if there are any. Come to a shared understanding of what the future may hold for all of you.
For example, agree to the conditions under which you would opt for a nursing home or other facility, or decide never to do so.
Most of all, let your family members know they are safe with you and you will always put their interests first — assuming they are and you will, of course. That overall assurance I did give my mother, over and over again. And I could see from the relief in her expression it meant everything to her. I just never discussed the details of sharing our lives and, if need be, caring for her.
Follow a three-step process to get psyched for caregiving : First, imagine. Second, test. Third, bite the bullet. It worked for me and my mother.
Caregiving boils down to unshakable commitment. Even the most impossible things you may have to put up with become bearable once you commit. When in doubt, don’t — until you’re absolutely sure of the choice(s) you’ve made.
Showing posts with label family caregiving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family caregiving. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
"The Joy of Caregiving"
by Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D.
from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Strange as it may sound, I also want to make America a nation of joyful caregivers. But how can I possibly write JOY and CAREGIVING in the same phrase? How can I suggest there could be anything upbeat about caring for a parent who no longer knew my name? I experienced it.
It took me four-and-a-half years and the sadness of living with my mother who had dementia to discover the "joy" of "caregiving," and it took me more than two years to write a book to relive it, tell my story, and share practical tips to show others how they too can become joyful in the most unlikely of circumstances. It isn't the sudden joy of seeing a newborn baby or graduating from college or of taking an exotic trip or winning the lottery or of any of the experiences people typically think lift their spirits. However powerful it may be, that kind of upbeat feeling attached to a given experience fades. The joy from caregiving is more like bliss--a stereophonic, profound and lasting feeling, a unique emotion that comes from giving your all for someone else while expecting absolutely nothing in return.
Overwhelming positives outweigh any and all the negatives of caring for someone whose life is slipping away. For me, nothing is more gratifying than knowing I gave my mother the best care she could possibly have gotten in the last years of her life--absolutely nothing! I cannot imagine not have done this for her. You don't know what love is until you've changed your mother's or father's diaper, survived the shock when they no longer know your name, or have spent time holding the hand of, and talking to, someone with dementia, whether they appear to understand what you're saying or not. In the end, one of the reards of caring for someone else is discovering a part of yourself you might never have known.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving is available from amazon.com in hard copy and Kindle editions. Order yours today: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
from When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Strange as it may sound, I also want to make America a nation of joyful caregivers. But how can I possibly write JOY and CAREGIVING in the same phrase? How can I suggest there could be anything upbeat about caring for a parent who no longer knew my name? I experienced it.
It took me four-and-a-half years and the sadness of living with my mother who had dementia to discover the "joy" of "caregiving," and it took me more than two years to write a book to relive it, tell my story, and share practical tips to show others how they too can become joyful in the most unlikely of circumstances. It isn't the sudden joy of seeing a newborn baby or graduating from college or of taking an exotic trip or winning the lottery or of any of the experiences people typically think lift their spirits. However powerful it may be, that kind of upbeat feeling attached to a given experience fades. The joy from caregiving is more like bliss--a stereophonic, profound and lasting feeling, a unique emotion that comes from giving your all for someone else while expecting absolutely nothing in return.
Overwhelming positives outweigh any and all the negatives of caring for someone whose life is slipping away. For me, nothing is more gratifying than knowing I gave my mother the best care she could possibly have gotten in the last years of her life--absolutely nothing! I cannot imagine not have done this for her. You don't know what love is until you've changed your mother's or father's diaper, survived the shock when they no longer know your name, or have spent time holding the hand of, and talking to, someone with dementia, whether they appear to understand what you're saying or not. In the end, one of the reards of caring for someone else is discovering a part of yourself you might never have known.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving is available from amazon.com in hard copy and Kindle editions. Order yours today: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=when+my+mother+no+longer+knew+my+name
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: a son's "course" in "rational" caregiving
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
954-772-7868
trendsman@aol.com
New book now available nationwide:
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name:
A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving
(Fort Lauderdale, FL, Feb. 7, 2012)—“All families must accept responsibility for caring for their aging and aged relatives at home, instead of warehousing them in nursing homes and other facilities,” says trends analyst and forecaster, and family caregiver, Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. (trendsman@aol.com, www.rationalcaregiving.blogspot.com).
Goldstein’s memoir/how-to, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving, should be the first book families read to prepare for caring for aging relatives. It’s the caregiver’s “one-minute manager.” Each brief, compelling, highly readable chapter turns what a son learned on-the-job into immediate help for others. Step-by-step, Goldstein traces how his caregiving role evolved from nominal to 24/7.
“To begin with, I had to convince my mother to move in with me, which required delicate diplomacy,” he remembers. “Eventually, I had to learn how to deal with the various phases of her dementia—getting used to finding a sandwich in the clothes dryer, changing her diaper (on rare occasions, thank God!), keeping her from choking to death, and finally caring for myself after she died.
“I wrote the book I would have wanted to read before and while I was my mother’s caregiver—but which I never found!” Goldstein says. “No theory here! It’s all useful information. Strategically placed throughout the book are 75 practical tips to turn my experience into advice others can use. My narratives make caregiving real. My tips make it manageable—even joyful.” The book includes a “Cargiving Readiness Self-Assessment” so current and potential caregivers can benchmark and enhance their ability to manage the often lonely, challenging, unpredictable, and overwhelming roles they may assume.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is a one-man support group, written like a friend who’s “been-there-done-that,” talking anecdotally, but authoritatively, to a friend who needs help. It is raw and gritty, as well as funny and inspiring. It makes people weep, but also gives them hope that they can overcome a mountain of seemingly insurmountable challenges, for which they likely feel devastatingly unprepared.
Order When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name at www.amazon.com (hard copy & Kindle), at www.barnesandnoble.com (hard copy & Nook Book), www.hellgatepress.com, and bookstores nationwide. It is published by Grid Press, an imprint of L&R Publishing, Ashland, Oregon, www.hellgatepress.com.#
954-772-7868
trendsman@aol.com
New book now available nationwide:
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name:
A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving
(Fort Lauderdale, FL, Feb. 7, 2012)—“All families must accept responsibility for caring for their aging and aged relatives at home, instead of warehousing them in nursing homes and other facilities,” says trends analyst and forecaster, and family caregiver, Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. (trendsman@aol.com, www.rationalcaregiving.blogspot.com).
Goldstein’s memoir/how-to, When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving, should be the first book families read to prepare for caring for aging relatives. It’s the caregiver’s “one-minute manager.” Each brief, compelling, highly readable chapter turns what a son learned on-the-job into immediate help for others. Step-by-step, Goldstein traces how his caregiving role evolved from nominal to 24/7.
“To begin with, I had to convince my mother to move in with me, which required delicate diplomacy,” he remembers. “Eventually, I had to learn how to deal with the various phases of her dementia—getting used to finding a sandwich in the clothes dryer, changing her diaper (on rare occasions, thank God!), keeping her from choking to death, and finally caring for myself after she died.
“I wrote the book I would have wanted to read before and while I was my mother’s caregiver—but which I never found!” Goldstein says. “No theory here! It’s all useful information. Strategically placed throughout the book are 75 practical tips to turn my experience into advice others can use. My narratives make caregiving real. My tips make it manageable—even joyful.” The book includes a “Cargiving Readiness Self-Assessment” so current and potential caregivers can benchmark and enhance their ability to manage the often lonely, challenging, unpredictable, and overwhelming roles they may assume.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is a one-man support group, written like a friend who’s “been-there-done-that,” talking anecdotally, but authoritatively, to a friend who needs help. It is raw and gritty, as well as funny and inspiring. It makes people weep, but also gives them hope that they can overcome a mountain of seemingly insurmountable challenges, for which they likely feel devastatingly unprepared.
Order When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name at www.amazon.com (hard copy & Kindle), at www.barnesandnoble.com (hard copy & Nook Book), www.hellgatepress.com, and bookstores nationwide. It is published by Grid Press, an imprint of L&R Publishing, Ashland, Oregon, www.hellgatepress.com.#
Friday, January 27, 2012
"Stop warehousing old people in nursing homes!" insists author of new book
(Fort Lauderdale, FL)—“It's a national disgrace that so many families dump their elderly parents in nursing homes and assisted living facilities. Sons and daughters should invite their aging and aged mothers and dads to live them with them," says trends analyst and forecaster, and family caregiver, Stephen L. Goldstein, Ph.D. (trendsman@aol.com, http://www.rationalcaregiving.blogspot.com/).
Goldstein’s just published memoir/how-to When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving, screams "Yes you can!" It's the first book families need to prepare for caring for again relatives, the caregiver’s "one-minute manager." Each brief, compelling, highly readable chapter turns what a son learned on-the-job into immediate help for others.
Step-by-step, Goldstein traces how his caregiving role evolved from nominal to 24/7. “I would never let my mother live in a nursing home," he says adamantly. So I had diplomatically to convince her to move in with me. Eventually, I had to learn to deal with various aspects of her dementia—getting used to finding a sandwich in the clothes dryer, changing her diaper (on rare occasions, thank God!), keeping her from choking to death--then, caring for myself after she died.
“I wrote the book I would have wanted to read before and while I was my mother’s caregiver—but which I never found!” Goldstein says. “There’s no theory here! It’s all useful information. Strategically placed throughout the book are 75 practical tips to turn my experience into advice others can use. My narratives make caregiving real. My tips make it manageable—even joyful.”
The book includes a “Caregiving Readiness Self-Assessment” so current and potential caregivers can benchmark and increase their ability to manage the often lonely, challenging, unpredictable, and overwhelming roles they may assume.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is a one-man support group, written like a friend who’s “been-there-done-that,” talking anecdotally, but authoritatively, to a friend who needs help. It is raw and gritty, as well as funny and inspiring. It makes people weep, but also gives them hope that they can overcome a mountain of seemingly insurmountable challenges, for which they likely feel devastatingly unprepared.
The book and Kindle edition of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name are available at http://www.amazon.com/, as well as at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/, http://www.hellgatepress.com/, other online booksellers and at bookstores nationwide. It is published by Grid Press, an imprint of L&R Publishing, Ashland, Oregon, http://www.hellgatepress.com/.#
Goldstein’s just published memoir/how-to When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name: A son’s “course” in “rational” caregiving, screams "Yes you can!" It's the first book families need to prepare for caring for again relatives, the caregiver’s "one-minute manager." Each brief, compelling, highly readable chapter turns what a son learned on-the-job into immediate help for others.
Step-by-step, Goldstein traces how his caregiving role evolved from nominal to 24/7. “I would never let my mother live in a nursing home," he says adamantly. So I had diplomatically to convince her to move in with me. Eventually, I had to learn to deal with various aspects of her dementia—getting used to finding a sandwich in the clothes dryer, changing her diaper (on rare occasions, thank God!), keeping her from choking to death--then, caring for myself after she died.
“I wrote the book I would have wanted to read before and while I was my mother’s caregiver—but which I never found!” Goldstein says. “There’s no theory here! It’s all useful information. Strategically placed throughout the book are 75 practical tips to turn my experience into advice others can use. My narratives make caregiving real. My tips make it manageable—even joyful.”
The book includes a “Caregiving Readiness Self-Assessment” so current and potential caregivers can benchmark and increase their ability to manage the often lonely, challenging, unpredictable, and overwhelming roles they may assume.
When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name is a one-man support group, written like a friend who’s “been-there-done-that,” talking anecdotally, but authoritatively, to a friend who needs help. It is raw and gritty, as well as funny and inspiring. It makes people weep, but also gives them hope that they can overcome a mountain of seemingly insurmountable challenges, for which they likely feel devastatingly unprepared.
The book and Kindle edition of When My Mother No Longer Knew My Name are available at http://www.amazon.com/, as well as at http://www.barnesandnoble.com/, http://www.hellgatepress.com/, other online booksellers and at bookstores nationwide. It is published by Grid Press, an imprint of L&R Publishing, Ashland, Oregon, http://www.hellgatepress.com/.#
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)